Project 365: Catch Up

So... it turns out this is harder than I thought. Well, it's not hard, I just keep forgetting and not having time to post. So, sorry this will be a little longer than usual but let me just get up to date.

January Eighth

Our good friend, Seth Hanks, came to town with his band, The Archer's Apple. They played a grand ol' show and it was so good to see him.

January Ninth

I am in love. This is my new favorite ice cream. I try to stay away from dairy products, but man. This is heaven in ice cream form.

January Tenth

Christmas is officially over. This isn't a good picture but we finally dropped our tree off to go to the Christmas Tree lot in the sky. Fare thee well,old friend.

January Eleventh

Today was our two year anniversary of being wed! It was also the first day of the new semester, so we decided to keep it simple. We went to Borders and picked out an amazing vegetarian cookbook called The Moosewood Cookbook. So, we went home, made some dinner (two-rice stuffed squash and roasted pecan brussel sprouts), watched a chick flick, and had a wonderful evening together. I love Chris so much. I can't believe I ended up with a guy like him.

January Twelfth

So, Chris and I have a tendency to get hooked on certain games. One of the latest is Doodle Jump. You can get it for your itouch. I love it and this is my highest score ever! I have not gotten remotely close since. It isn't as high as Chris, but it will do. I know I'm a nerd.

January Thirteenth

To try and aid in getting rid of the extra holiday fluff we had acquired over the holidays, we decided to go on a three day apple juice cleanse. We ate and juiced a buttload of apples. Surprisingly, it was a very positive experience and I still like apples.

January Fourteenth

Logan may have crappy, polluted winters,

but sometimes it is absolutely gorgeous. I love it when the fog freezes around the trees and everything turns into an icicle.

January Fifteenth

Another icicle picture. I love it.

January Sixteenth

Right before I got married, I got to live with the best roommates I've ever had. Chris and I met up with two of them, Kristin and Andrea, and their boys at Typhoon at the Gateway. I miss them greatly and it was so good to see them. Never a dull moment with those two.

January Seventeenth

For the long weekend, we went and chilled in Springville with the fam. Sunday was spent playing another game we are addicted to. Plants vs. Zombies. It's how we de-stress ok?

January Eighteenth

We went out to eat and to a movie with Chris's family on MLK day. We ate at Ginger's Cafe, which happens to be one of my favorite places on earth and where Chris and I went on our first

date. It's on Main Street in Springville. Check it out.

January Nineteenth

Now, I'm not gluten intolerant, but this pizza crust is wonderful. We make it at least once a week with our homemade pizza sauce and fresh vegetables. I love it.

January Twentieth

I successfully beat Plants vs. Zombies! And when you beat the game they play a music video where a sunflower sings and all the zombies dance. It's pretty great.

January Twenty-first

Thursday was our date night. We went to eat at the delicious Beehive Grill and then went to Avatar in 3D. It rocked my socks. And we looked pretty fine in our 3D glasses, I might add.

January Twenty-second

I get to read this entire bad-boy for one of my literature classes. I'm quite the procrastinator, so I usually end up having marathon reads. I spent most of the weekend with this book.

January Twenty-Third

I also had to read this entire book by Monday for my Non-fiction writing class. Oh, the good times this semester is already bringing!

January Twenty-Fourth

I am finally getting around to growing wheatgrass! I have had the supplies for a few months now, but finally I got myself a nice patch of grass. And today I put some into my green smoothie. I like wheatgrass because it is good for me, but also, I miss seeing green this time of year. It's amazing how much this little tray of grass can boost my winter blues.

And there you have it. I decided that posting on Sundays will be a lot more convenient that posting on Fridays, so stay tuned! Hopefully I will never have to do this long of a post again.

Project 365: Round one

So, I'm doing it.

My good friend, Andrea, gave me the idea with her entertaining blog and many moons ago I decided I was going to do it when the New Year came. So, it's the New Year.

What does this mean for you, my faithful readers? Well, for 365 days, I will attempt

to take at least one picture a day and blog about it once a week. So, let's say every Friday-ish, expect to get a recap of the week before.

Why I am doing such a thing? I don't know. I think it will be fun. Some of my many New Years Resolutions are to just be purely myself more publicly (I know that is a weird resolution but it makes sense to me) and to blog more and make it more entertaining for myself and those that read. So, this is a great way to kills two birds, if you will. Also, I got a new digital camera for Christmas! Hazzah!

So get ready for RAW, UNEDITED, ALL RANDI, ALL THE TIME!!!!! Just like you always wanted...

January First

I was lucky enough to ring in the New Year with Tor-kul-na. A beloved creature from the nerdiest game I have experienced in real life. Heroscape. It's like a mix of Risk and Dungeons

and Dragons. It also takes at least an hour to just set up! No, I have not played it. No, I will not play it. But, but my husband has and did THREE times on New Years Day with his siblings. Happy New Year.

January Second

I have a history of being very connected to the cars I drive. From the Lobster Superstar to Glory Moses, I have decorated my car with the same nicknacks and buttons to really make it my own. A week before I got married, Chris and I both crashed Glory Moses (at

separate times and within a few hours of each other) that eventually lead to his death. So we started our marriage with a black, 1999 VW Jetta named Olga. She's a great car and has been really good to us, but for some reason, I never decorated her like she was my own. Well, two years later, after a deep clean and an oil change, I decided it was time. Buddha and lawn gnome are now proudly displayed, along with some buttons up on the roof and beads and hemp necklaces around the rearview mirror.

January Third

My good friend from Fargo, Jenny, and her boyfriend came out to Utah to experience the greatest snow on earth. Chris has a season pass to Powder Mountain for work, so we went there. It was my first run of the season, so there were some falls and some swears, but it was a grand time for all. Luckily, we got to take advantage of the hot tub at Jenny and Dave's hotel afterward.

January Fourth

Attention all ladies. For all of those that suffer from lady-time cramps, meet your new best friend. No, it's not what you think it is. It's better. And legal. It's Red Raspberry leaf tea. I have been taking an online herbology course and this is where I learned of this magical plant. I had some of this tea this week and it has worked wonders! I encourage all to partake. It is also good for pregnant women and aids in all female reproductive issues.

January Fifth

So, I couldn't figure out how to flip this around. Whateves. Behold the newest member of the Martin Family. I have had the same backpacking backpack for a real long time. Although I did love my Gregory Palisade, I couldn't help but lust over the new Osprey packs. And thanks to our addiction to checking SteepandCheap.com, I was able to get one for quite the discount. I could not resist. Too bad it's so cold out. I can't wait to use this bad boy in the out of doors.

January Sixth

Our oven has been broken since the end of September. Three of the burners worked, so we have been able to manage, but we haven't been able to bake anything for months. This saddens me, what with it being cookie baking season and all. But finally, our landlord delivered a newish oven. Chris had a hard time parting with our retro green oven. It really added character to our kitchen and matched our lovely green sink. Although it was hard for him to say goodbye, he handled it like a champ.

January Seventh

Here is one of my homemade business cards/punch card for my little massage business. I was a little afraid of venturing off on my own with massage but it has been going really well. I gave three massages this day and two of them rescheduled! Good times for all!

So there you have it. My first week of Project 365. I hoped you enjoyed it. I did. And next week, more merriment shall ensue. Until then, good day and good night.

Well, here it is.

Since the beginning of July, I have been pondering and praying on if I would ever really make this post. I have debated over clever titles and themes to express what I am about to write, but I have just decided to just write and see what comes out. Hopefully, it won't be too long and that boring.

A little disclaimer: If you are not of the Mormon faith, or not that familiar with Mormons, a lot of things that I mention will not make any sense. Also, this post might not even be that big of a deal to you. And to all readers, if you get bored just scan down to "In conclusion."

For those of you that know me well, you know that I love people. I love my friends and family more than anything. I love meeting people, making connections, staying in contact, talking for hours, and making silly random phone calls texts just to say hi. And I don't know if you have noticed, but you probably haven't heard from me in a while. If you have, it has only been quite recently and here is why.

I like to say that I am on a "Spiritual Journey." Now, you might say in response, "So what? Everyone is on one. Good for you." Well, with my experience in the Mormon faith, Spiritual Journeys are encouraged, but only if it fits in with the Mormon way of life and you end up in the Mormon faith. I'm not saying this is true, but I'm just saying that this is my experience. So, when I realized that my little journey would take me outside of the Mormon church, I kind of freaked out.

For a bagillion reasons, I was finding myself not spiritually fulfilled in the LDS faith. It wasn't making me happy, like it did in the past. And after guilting myself into reasons that weren't true as to why I was unhappy, I decided to finally get real with myself and with God. This was not easy. This was not fun. But, it is what I deserved to do. And I knew that if I didn't do it, I would mentally and emotionally go back to a place that I worked so hard to get out of. Luckily, I have an amazing husband that helped me create a space of love for me to do this, because I was not getting it from my bishop, even though I gave him a chance to help me.

The next series of event are some of the most sacred conversations I have ever had with God. Because of that, I will not share them here, but what I want you to know is that they happened. Some people reading this may not believe in God, or may not be able to fathom that God would lead me to these actions, but it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is what is real for me.
*And a little side note, the only thing that matters is what is real for you. Just because I receive one answer doesn't mean you will receive the same answer. So, please don't let my experience offend your beliefs or discredit things you believe to be or not to be true.

After I "got real" as to what was going on and what I felt moved to do, I felt so much peace and unconditional love inside. A feeling I don't ever remember feeling this strongly. But after I left the comforts of my own home, I realized I had to deal with everyone else. I got a huge pit in my stomach when I thought about what my friends and family would think. How would they ever understand my actions? What if this or that person knew? They would be so disappointed. Would they still love me? Would they still want me around their kids? Can they tell by what I'm wearing that I'm not active anymore? Would they wish I had never married into their family?

I know some of you may laugh at my worries, but they were so real. So, I did the only thing I could do at the time, and that was to isolate myself. Until I could gain more confidence in myself and not care so much what people thought of me, I just had to keep to myself. That is why I have been distant. I was judging all of you, before you had a chance to judge me. And, I'm deeply sorry for that. But I needed to love myself before I could let anyone else love me.

So that is really what I have been working on the most these past few months and I am happy to report that I am seriously getting there. And this blog post is a big part of that process for me. Some of you may think that this post isn't necessary. This is all personal and no one needs to know about it. Well, I am here to say, that I do need to do this. I just want it all to be out there partly so I can stop worrying about what so and so will think if they ever knew, and partly because I feel that people shouldn't feel ashamed to talk about it. In the culture that I live in, it is so hard to talk about doubts and even harder to act on those doubts. It shouldn't be that way. So, this is my way of talking about it and making it ok. I love you and I miss you. I miss being my social self and I am done with being ashamed of who I am and what I am going through.

In conclusion:

I love the Mormon church. I love that I was raised Mormon, that I served a mission, and that I got married in the Temple. I still consider those things to be sacred events in my life and I am thankful that they happened. I am not angry or bitter or anything like that. I still like being apart of events that happen in the Mormon world (well, the ones I can be apart of), so please don't feel like you can't be yourself around me. I won't be offended or mad if you talk about Mormon things around me.

Where I am at now is that still don't know how I feel about a lot of things. And to me, that is really exciting. I will never close the door to the church, but for now, it is not where I need to be. There is still more for me to learn from being on the "outside," and when it is time for me to be somewhere else, I know that I will be led there. But in the mean time, I am having a great time searching and finding things that really work for me and finding things that don't. And I really am happier and at more at peace than I have been in a really long time.

Some of you may be freaking out and racking your brain as to how you can help me. Well, let me help you help me. Just love me. Don't treat me any different than you did before. Feel free to pray for me, but I ask that you pray for me to find what works for me, not what works for you. Please, don't preach to me. I love hearing what you believe if it comes up, but preaching will have a negative effect. And please, please don't worry and don't be sad. I know that some of you reading this feel those two things and it kills me inside that something that is making me happier and healthier is making someone else worried and sad. And if you choose to feel that, I guess I can't stop you, but I just ask that you trust me.

And where is Chris is all of this? Well, his story is his and if you are curious about the details, just ask him. But, I will say that he has joined me on the Spiritual Journey train, and is has been really great for us.

I am afraid this is getting too long, so if you have any questions or anything, don't be afraid to ask. If you can't tell, I'm open to talking about it. Oh, and if you know of someone that doesn't read this blog who would like to be filled in on the spiritual life of Randi, then please share it with them.

A big thank you to those who I have already talked to about this. You have no idea how much your love and support has helped me.

On a lighter note, this blog shall continue as normal. Stay tuned for some holiday adventure recaps and some new and exciting goals for 2010!