New Blog

For those of you that still read this blog, thank you. But if you haven't noticed, I haven't posted here for a while. And sadly, there will be no more posts on this blog. But don't cry too much, for I have started a new one!

What The Randi and I have had a good run, but it's time for a new space for me to express myself. So please head on over to http://randiramblings.blogspot.com/ for new posts and updates on my life. It will be a good time. You won't regret it.

The Breaking Up of Chrandi

I'm not going to lie, this is probably one of the hardest blog posts that I will ever write. I am writing it because people are starting to find out about Chris and I, which is fine, but I feel like people aren't getting an accurate idea of what is really going on.

Of course what is really going on is really only between Chris and I, but we are lucky enough to have the best friends and families in the world who care and just want to understand the situation. So I will tell you, with Chris' blessing, all that you need to know. And I'm sorry if you are hurt that you are finding out about this on Facebook or through this blog. We just can't tell everyone in person like we would like.

Being married to Chris has honestly been the best 4 years of my life. We have had a blast going on adventures, being dorks, playing music, and just sitting and watching Battlestar Galactica. In these past 4 years we have created a loving and safe environment for each other to truly soul search and become ourselves. We have been through a lot together emotionally. We have made radical life changes together. And through it all we have continued to love each other and be there for each other.

And we still plan on doing just that, it just looks differently now. For the past 6 months to a year, we have been trying to figure out what our next step in life is. We are graduated, focusing on our careers, and could possibly start a family in the near future. As we made these plans, they just weren't matching up. We tried and tried so many different scenarios and ideas and talked for hours and hours.

But the bottom line is, our paths don't match up anymore. Which is ok.

Of course this was a very sad and hard realization to come to. We have been dancing around it for months, but we feel like this is the best thing for us.

We have had a lot of mixed reactions from our family and close friends. Most people are completely shocked. And of course everyone is sad. Some people are disappointed because they looked up to us as a couple. But don't worry, you still can because sometimes part of being a good couple is knowing when it's time to let it go. Sometimes is doesn't serve anyone to just hang on for hanging on's sake.

Some people have criticized and judged us and blamed it on our lifestyle choices. And all I have to say to that is that you have no idea what you are talking about. It is easy to draw your own conclusions based on certain things you see and hear, but you don't and will never know the whole story, so please try not to judge, and if you do, please keep it to yourself.

Some people have felt like they need to choose a side. We ask that you please don't. Chris and I have a very good relationship. We talk frequently and plan on being friends the rest of our lives. If you experience any drama from this, it is because you created it. There is no drama between Chris and I, and we hope that we can all still hang out and have a good time.

Some people have been wanting to make the other person the bad guy. Sorry to disappoint you, but there isn't a bad guy here. It is a pretty mutual decision. We appreciate you being defensive and having our back, but trust us when we say that we both think that this is the best thing. 

Some people ask if there is anything they can do to help. To that we say just be there for us and love us. If you know Chris through me, still continue to love him and be his friend. If you know me through Chris, please do the same. If you know us as a couple, well, sorry. It won't be as fun, but still be our friend individually.

These next few months are going to be really crazy. A lot of transitions and changes. It is going to royally suck in a lot of ways, but it can also be fun and exciting. Don't be alarmed by changes on Facebook or future plans. I will probably change my last name back and all that jazz.

We love the support and unconditional love that we have gotten, despite the confusion and lack of understanding. And you probably will never understand fully why Chris and I are doing this, but please just trust us. We have put a lot of thought, contemplation, prayer, and tears into this. Know that we aren't just giving up and we do value the importance of marriage.

Ok. This is all you need to know. Feel free to talk to us individually, but know that we are so emotionally exhausted from trying to explain ourselves. We really just need love and friendship right now, so if you have that, then we hope to hear from you.

Chrandi is ending, and that is something to mourn. But there is a season for everything. When we are done learning and growing from one thing, we move on to another season that will teach us something new. I would never be as happy and healthy as I am now if it weren't for my time with Chris. He was meant to get me here, and now it is time for a new chapter. 

Happy New Year! Let's Walk the Walk, shall we?

Happy first day of 2012! I hope that this new year is serving you well. As for me? Well, it is grand.

You wouldn't think so by my current state. I've been tucked in bed cuddling with my pup all day as I've been trying to get over a cold, my monthly cramps are kicking my trash, and I'm nursing my frozen neck and shoulder that has left me unable to move these past few days.

At first all of this bummed me out, but it's actually fitting in perfectly with my new game plan "Walking the Walk," as mentioned in my last (mildly depressing) post.

As someone in the healing profession, I spend a lot of time advising people on how to be healthier and happier. I want people to invest in their health and well-being and trust that can be pain-free in every area of life. But I can't really help them if I'm not practicing what I preach. And I hadn't been for quite some time.

So I've been working on that, and I'm happy to report that things are on the up and up. Since my last post, I have landed a great job as a content writer for a website, opened up my own massage space in Sandy, UT, and started teaching Yoga at the clubhouse in my housing development. I also finally finished my last lingering online class and am now officially a college grad!

And now as I sit here with body aches that make me want to puke, I'm finding a new way to walk the walk. I'm trying out all of the tricks that I tell my clients that help with these kinds of pains. It's actually kind of fun for me when I get sick because I can try out all of the new remedies that I've read about and see what actually works and what doesn't. I'm kind of twisted like that.

So with heating pads and herbal teas as my companions, I have come up with 6 main intentions for 2012 to help me keep Walking the Walk in my personal and professional life. I am a little hesitant to share them here because they are really personal, but I feel moved to do so because perhaps they will spark an idea of what would serve you. And like always, sharing them will help keep me accountable.

1. Balanced Love: Work on the balance of giving and receiving love. I can't give it unless I allow myself to fully receive it, and I have always struggled with being able to receive it. And if I'm doing one more than the other, love becomes self-centered and exhausting. When it is balanced, everything else in my life will follow.

2. Be my "why not" self: Often times when I try to take on a new way of being I stop myself because I think, "Oh I can't. I've never done this before, and it's just not me." Well from now on, when that wall comes up, I plan on saying, "Why not?" Why can't I be the type of person that likes mornings? Why can't I say no to yet another serving of pasta? I have no good reason. There is no good reason why I can't be the person I want to be.

3. No Shame Authenticity: I have made some major life changes these past few years, and I have been trying really hard to tune into who I really am. It's been hard when what I'm discovering as my authentic self goes against the grain of the culture that I live and grew up in. I found myself being ashamed in a way of how I really feel about things, worrying that if people really knew how I felt that they wouldn't like or respect me anymore. Well, that is silly and I'm done with that. Life is too short to revolve it around what other people will think.

4. Easeful Organization: Whenever I try to get my ducks in a row, I find myself getting overwhelmed and anxious about staying organized. I get so caught up in my vision of what having an organized life is that I just give up before I start. I want to live in a world where being organized and on top of things is just who I am, not something I have to live up to. It's easy, I just need to chill out.

5. Because It's Fun: For some reason, this past year I have become so serious. The things I love to do turned into a burden somehow. I created all of these attachments and expectations to things and activities that I enjoyed and they lost their fun. I'm sick of that. I'm dropping the baggage, and I just want to do things because they are fun, not because they will make me lose weight, or impress so and so, or any of that.

6. Responsible Abundance: This intention is directed towards my financial life. I honestly suck with money. For years I have been living from pay check to pay check, and the second that I get some extra income, I get so excited and just spend it right away. I want to be able to handle abundance. I want to create abundance in my life and let it flow freely and responsibly in and out of my life. When I do that, then that creates space for even more abundance.

And there you have it. A little insight as to what I'm putting out there for 2012. This is the first time that I am putting out intentions instead of specific individual goals. I like to do that on a weekly and daily basis, but I'm hoping that these by following these intentions, all of the details with come naturally.

The happiest of New Years to you, my dears.

Much love,
Randi