It's the middle of July. In case you haven't noticed. I recently realized that summer is half way over and had a mini freak out.
As some of you may recall, I have a tendency to label my summers. I blogged about it HERE last summer when I announced the theme of 2009. I regretfully have not been present enough to declare a theme for this summer and now the summer is almost over. What is to be done? Dare I declare a theme halfway through? I dare say that I do.
I am very tempted to name this summer Slacker Summer because that is what I've felt like done all summer. Nothing. But really that is not true. I was really burned out after Spring Semester was over. And when I say burned out, I mean Burned. Out. May consisted of sleeping and going on climbing trips that I may or may not post pictures of someday. June was full of cooking, taking more naps, and starting to train for a marathon. And both months were sprinkled with mini quarter life crisis's that led to complete laziness and confusion. Who knew that turning 25 would make me all reflective and indecisive on what I want to do with myself.
Now I'm half way through July and I finally feel like I'm back. I learned long ago that breakdowns equal breakthroughs. Can't have one without the other and finally the breakthroughs are shining their bright little lights at the end of the tunnel.
::Warning. Cheesy self discovery rant begins now::
For most of my life I have let things define me that were not really me. My happiness came from other people being happy with me. As long as I was making everyone happy, I was happy. Over this past year I have made some personal choices that a huge chunk of people in my life disapproved of. And even though it made my soul happy, it crushed the rest of me to know that I had made others sad. I have also lost myself in being a "good wife" and trying to figure out what that was. Turns out what I thought I "should" be isn't me at all. Combine that with a handful of other things, I was torn. Torn between creating a fulfilling life for myself, while still revolving my life around everyone else. I have been learning the hard way that those two things can't live peacefully together. Long story short, I'm done with that way of being.
Since I have never lived a life fully confident of my own decisions and not worrying about what everyone and their dog will think, I don't really know how it looks to not be like that. So that, my friends, is what I am devoting the rest of the summer to. I call it......drumroll please......
The Summer of Randi. Has a nice, epic, Chinese new year ring to it, don't you think?
I could sit here and feel all guilty for wasting the first half of my summer, but really, I don't think it was wasted. It's all part of the master plan of creating happiness. Can't have the good without the bad. Can't have the yin without the yang. And there are signs everywhere reminding me of that. Including the oil and vinegar plate at dinner tonight. I kid you not, it made this shape all on it's own.
So there you have it. Let the Summer of Randi officially begin! And I must add that I feel insanely blessed to have a husband like Chris. He has created such a loving space for me to do what I need to do feel fulfilled and he supports me creating a life where I can pursue my goals and find the balance of being independent and in a relationship. I hope to do the same for him, even though his head is on a little straighter than mine.
Please feel free to share your wise insights on finding this balance with me if you have had similar feelings and experiences.
In other news, I started another blog! It is my professional blog where I write about yoga, massage, and other holistic things that I love. Please read, subscribe, and comment. The more people interact with me on that blog the more I can use that blog as part of my resume to hopefully write on this subject for larger publications. So check it out at http://randisblogasana.blogspot.com.
Ok. Thanks for reading. Loves.