Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Playing It Safe. Or, Up With Failure!

Well, it's that time of year again.
The slight chill in the wind makes us reach for longer sleeves. The buzz of knowledge floats around as many head back to school for another eventful year. Halloween candy and decorations start to creep into the grocery stores. And we say goodbye to another Summer that, yet again, slipped through our fingers.

But change is good. Change is inevitable. We know it comes and goes with the seasons, so why not embrace it? I don't know about you, but that's what I've been trying to do lately. My lack of blog posts attest to that. It's a hard, busy thing to let go of old, clunky baggage to make room for the new, more space efficient bags.

In my last post I talked about the Summer of Randi. I am happy to report that I feel I fulfilled that Summer theme. More than ever, I am feeling more and more comfortable in my own skin and have allowed myself to evolve. Which is pretty dang neat. I even bought skinny jeans! I always thought that Randi could never do skinny jeans. But I can, even though my hips don't lie.

And now school has started, yet again. This past week and a half has been insane trying to get everything in order. Not only did I start this semester with 17 credits, but I also just opened my own Massage space downtown and I auditioned for two shows!

Thus leading me to the whole point of this blog post.

Newsflash: I'm deathly afraid of failure. I know, I know, so is everyone else, but a lot of the people don't let it stop it from doing things they love. I do. In a bad way. I have perfectly orchestrated my life in such a way that I don't majorly fail at anything. And that means I don't majorly succeed at anything either. Well, I've had enough of that. So, I decided to put myself out there and get involved in theater again, because for all of my fellow thespians out there, I ached for the stage.

Long story short, I auditioned for two different shows that Utah State is putting on this semester. Having got a lead in a previous USU show a few years back, I figured I had a pretty good shot. I made calls backs for both shows; I got rejected for both shows. Pain was had, tears were shed, feeling like I was 18 again and getting rejected for my dream role in a production at Fargo South High that led me to not do a show for five years was felt. I was ready to crawl right back into my play-it-safe shell.

But amongst the pain and tears, I felt a twinge of joy. There was a part of me that loved feeling failure and rejection. It had been so long since I had done anything to feel a major anything. And I found comfort in knowing that feeling this pain now will make it easier when I feel it again. It will also make success that much sweeter when the time comes. Oh, and it will come. It was like I was challenging myself to step it up instead of sheepishly backing down in the game of life. And in my own, still depressed about it at the moment way, I said, "Bring it on!" Isn't this great news??!!

I also learned a lot about preparation, getting my pride bubble significantly popped, working hard for the things I want and all that jazz, but we shall have to save that for another post.

In conclusion, I share this with you because a) posting about the things I learn and go through is very therapeutic for me, and b) perhaps someone out there in the blog-0-sphere is going through something similar and can find comfort in knowing that we are meant to feel all emotions. The good, the bad, and the ugly. All can serve us to our liking, whether we believe it or not.

I shall leave you with a brilliant quote from my favorite Genie:

Until next time.


K. Diane said...

True, your hips do not bear false witness.

I'm so glad to read this. I got so lone for your lovely words.

jessica said...

I love a good Randi never disappoint. Love to you my fellow "I will never wear skinny jeans" girl. I still can't believe I actually own two pair although ladies with legs as short as mine should not be allowed...