Pages

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

The Breaking Up of Chrandi

I'm not going to lie, this is probably one of the hardest blog posts that I will ever write. I am writing it because people are starting to find out about Chris and I, which is fine, but I feel like people aren't getting an accurate idea of what is really going on.

Of course what is really going on is really only between Chris and I, but we are lucky enough to have the best friends and families in the world who care and just want to understand the situation. So I will tell you, with Chris' blessing, all that you need to know. And I'm sorry if you are hurt that you are finding out about this on Facebook or through this blog. We just can't tell everyone in person like we would like.

Being married to Chris has honestly been the best 4 years of my life. We have had a blast going on adventures, being dorks, playing music, and just sitting and watching Battlestar Galactica. In these past 4 years we have created a loving and safe environment for each other to truly soul search and become ourselves. We have been through a lot together emotionally. We have made radical life changes together. And through it all we have continued to love each other and be there for each other.

And we still plan on doing just that, it just looks differently now. For the past 6 months to a year, we have been trying to figure out what our next step in life is. We are graduated, focusing on our careers, and could possibly start a family in the near future. As we made these plans, they just weren't matching up. We tried and tried so many different scenarios and ideas and talked for hours and hours.

But the bottom line is, our paths don't match up anymore. Which is ok.

Of course this was a very sad and hard realization to come to. We have been dancing around it for months, but we feel like this is the best thing for us.

We have had a lot of mixed reactions from our family and close friends. Most people are completely shocked. And of course everyone is sad. Some people are disappointed because they looked up to us as a couple. But don't worry, you still can because sometimes part of being a good couple is knowing when it's time to let it go. Sometimes is doesn't serve anyone to just hang on for hanging on's sake.

Some people have criticized and judged us and blamed it on our lifestyle choices. And all I have to say to that is that you have no idea what you are talking about. It is easy to draw your own conclusions based on certain things you see and hear, but you don't and will never know the whole story, so please try not to judge, and if you do, please keep it to yourself.

Some people have felt like they need to choose a side. We ask that you please don't. Chris and I have a very good relationship. We talk frequently and plan on being friends the rest of our lives. If you experience any drama from this, it is because you created it. There is no drama between Chris and I, and we hope that we can all still hang out and have a good time.

Some people have been wanting to make the other person the bad guy. Sorry to disappoint you, but there isn't a bad guy here. It is a pretty mutual decision. We appreciate you being defensive and having our back, but trust us when we say that we both think that this is the best thing. 

Some people ask if there is anything they can do to help. To that we say just be there for us and love us. If you know Chris through me, still continue to love him and be his friend. If you know me through Chris, please do the same. If you know us as a couple, well, sorry. It won't be as fun, but still be our friend individually.

These next few months are going to be really crazy. A lot of transitions and changes. It is going to royally suck in a lot of ways, but it can also be fun and exciting. Don't be alarmed by changes on Facebook or future plans. I will probably change my last name back and all that jazz.

We love the support and unconditional love that we have gotten, despite the confusion and lack of understanding. And you probably will never understand fully why Chris and I are doing this, but please just trust us. We have put a lot of thought, contemplation, prayer, and tears into this. Know that we aren't just giving up and we do value the importance of marriage.

Ok. This is all you need to know. Feel free to talk to us individually, but know that we are so emotionally exhausted from trying to explain ourselves. We really just need love and friendship right now, so if you have that, then we hope to hear from you.

Chrandi is ending, and that is something to mourn. But there is a season for everything. When we are done learning and growing from one thing, we move on to another season that will teach us something new. I would never be as happy and healthy as I am now if it weren't for my time with Chris. He was meant to get me here, and now it is time for a new chapter. 

17 comments:

Leah KIllian said...

Oh Randi- I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Wrap your arms around yourself and squeeze until you can't breath and pretend it was me, ok? Even amicably handled situations like this are painful, and I wish you could be spared that. You guys sound like you are doing really well with it, and staying the decent and awesome people that you are. Huge hugs, and if you ever need anything, I'm here.

4 Reale said...

All my love for you both. The next chapters of your lives will be great ones! I am excited for your future, and love you with my whole heart. And so it goes...

K. Diane said...

As a writer, I am going to tell you that this is just disarmingly beautiful and so eloquently worded. I couldn't have come up with anything like this if I were in my own personal Chrandi situation. Incredible to see how much you've grown both as a writer and a person. I love you.

BriannEm said...

:( Good luck with all the changes... If either of you need anything(someone to hang out with/a place to crash...) just let us know.
-Brianne and Pete

pearlyg8z said...

Randi, I totally get what is happening with Chrandi, and applaud you both on how incredibly insightful you both are. I don't see a loss, just your growth, victories, and the value you have for one another. The best is yet to be!! Love your light.

Claudia Bicen said...

I am so in awe of how much love, dignity, respect and spirituality with which you have both approached and are processing this situation. Good luck and love to you both.

Pam said...

You'll always be part of our family, Randi. Call me some evening when you have some time. Love you!

Tim Turley said...

We love both of you...and wish you the best and much happiness. Sounds like you are both being quite reasonable and mature about the whole thing, which is refreshing.

Emily said...

We love you and you are always welcome at our home. Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Been there, done that, but in no way was I capable at the time of saying something so incredibly personal, yet also so inextricably public, with such eloquence. I wish you both the best as your lives move on to surely more interesting, if not also better, things.

Profe

*ehu. said...

Awww my friend, I don't know what to say other than, I hope you're happy and that you find peace, soon. <3

RBeckstead said...

I'm really glad you wrote that. Of course it makes me sad. I was there when it all starting and now part of it is ending...sigh. If you are happy than I am happy for you and hope that you can find what you're looking for. I love you both!!! And I wish you the best!

Tina said...

I love you and support you! You are one strong lady....never forget!

whitdastrup said...

Sigh, you two are such a dream couple, even still. When I first heard about this I was shocked. But, if anyone on the face of the planet were to be to so civil it would be Chrandi. I will miss you as a couple, but I am sure it is what is right. I love you two a bunch and I admire your love and respect for one another's goals, ambitions and well... life. Thanks for posting this, even though you don't owe us an explanation.

jessica said...

Aric and I love you Randi. We always will...sending hugs and smooches your way. xoxo

heidi said...

I've heard whisperings, but I wish I would've read this earlier-it's so much better hearing it from you. I love you BOTH so much! (Nate too.) Please call. Especially if you're anywhere in Salt Lake and need a meal, walk, talk, or silent companion. Here's huge hugs to both of you. I blame it on my pregnant brain, but all I can think now is wow Randi, you're going to have someone else's babies. hmmm.

Kevin Doyle said...

Change should never be feared. The changes in my life, particularly the last couple of years, were and are founded in a belief that I know what's right and I act on it. It confuses some and angers others but they have their own lives to live. How they compartmentalize is their issue.

If you're ever in the Denver area, please contact Carolyn and me. We'd love to catch up and have some laughs.